Something to Remember (Peter)

We met by accident at a club. It's one of those "almost perfect story of how we met" kind of situation, where I accidentally looked to my left while smiling and he just happen to be at the receiving end of it. I gave him my number on a matchbook case, and it all just went from there.

Casual dating, is what we originally agreed on. No one was in a rush, and it seemed the most logical way to get to know each other without the pressures of a real relationship. The problem is that one tends to get carried away by the sensation, and thus gets too involved.

I was in a point in my adult life where I was ready to commit to a healthy relationship. He however, just needed to commit to a healthier lifestyle. He had family issues he had been dealing with, a new job that makes him nervous, and now to add to that, a guy who's enamored with him to which he couldn't devote anything more than just something casual.

You try to agree and you hold back your feelings as much as you can, but when someone is so wonderful, so handsome, and so comfortable to be around with, there's not much you can do but to fall. After a while you get the feeling that one is being shorthanded, and thus both would have to make a decision about the situation. One would declare his feelings of wanting to belong and needing more, of deserving more, the other is then forced to rebuff.

"I love you, but I'm not 'in-love' with you."

I've been in these situations when an end is inevitable, and damnit, I'm going to be strong this time. Brush it off, tell him it's ok. You're fine and if this is how it has to be then so be it. Make sure to ask if this is what he really wants. He agrees. It's harder to breathe now. Let's say goodbye and make our exit. Losing your composure now would only let him in on how you really feel. You can just do your crying in the car.

Love is a two way street. You can't get yourself involved in a relationship when it's clear that the two of you have different wants. Regardless of the outcome of a casual dating situation, you should be understanding of each other's situation, and with mutual respect, you can come to a resolution which may not always be a happy ending, but at least an amicable parting.

Something To Remember (Christopher)

When I got together with my first boyfriend, it was all for the wrong reasons. I wanted to prove to my friends that I was capable of being in a loving relationship where I would be a stellar boyfriend. Indeed it started out that way.

He was well to do and was extremely generous, to the point of being too flashy. We both wanted to be in a relationship, but I think we both had different ideas of how to manage it. He thought he had to keep showing grand gestures and buy everything I remotely fancy in order to keep me, and I thought that I could learn to love him with my determined heart.

I knew from our first week of being together that we weren't a good fit, but I dragged it on because I thought "I'm just not used to being in a relationship, I should give it a while longer. Most couples start out this way." It was a mistake. As much as I remind him that I'm fully capable of taking care of myself, he spoiled me. I didn't stop him. Why? Because if I were in the capacity to spoil someone then I would too. You don't throw gifts back at someone who's trying to make you happy. I quickly found out how immature he was as well, and how if he didn't get his way he would throw tantrums like a 2 year old. I was no better. I was always looking for ways to get away from him, if not just to hang out with my friends for a while without him being suspicious of my actions or getting into a debate filled with non-sense.

He accused me on several occasions of being unfaithful. During those arguments I often thought to myself he's gone bananas. The truth was that he cheated on me on several occasions and he was reflecting his actions on me to pass the guilt. He was obsessed with the idea, and he suffocated our relationship with his constant hovering and spying. I tried every way possible to make sure that he knew that he was the only man in my life. I showed it both in action and in words but it didn't stop him from obsessing about the worst scenario.

I ended up cheating on him. I know you hear it all the time when people are pushed into doing it, or finding someone you're more into, perhaps it was a little of both. An opportunity presented itself during a trip home for me to meet an old flame whom I knew I was still head over heels for on some level. It was hard not to fall because of the strangle hold my relationship had me on...and because I know that I didn't love my boyfriend any more. Cause how could you when you find yourself with someone else...loving someone else...sleeping with someone else. I'm not particularly proud of what I did...but I can tell you that I don't regret it. I'm not defending my actions nor am I saying it was right...but I make no apologies for it.

When I returned from my trip, my boyfriend and I ended things after a fantastic fight in which he argued that it was my responsibility to keep him satisfied in the sack. You can basically work out in your own heads how well that went...did I mention this was at 2 am on a work day? The break up was amicable at first...then he plagued my life with lies he had spread about me. How supposedly I was gold digger and what have you. With his lack of maturity I figured this would happen...but I didn't think of him stupid to try and sell these lies to my own friends.

You can't make yourself love someone...and you definitely can't buy my love.

Something To Remember (Jonathan)

Many have asked my opinion on long distance relationships and if it’s something one should pursue. Here’s my two cents…it’s very romantic and all, but this ain’t the renaissance. Unless someone moves to be closer to the other, I suggest cutting it short and count your losses before you get hurt.

Case and point, I got into a pseudo dating relation with a guy who was part Adonis, part Incredible Hulk. He was beautiful, and he knew he was beautiful, and I knew he was beautiful. He was very charming, very down to earth, and the manliest guy I know at the time. He was also very ill tempered, quick to bark, and was downright mean when he wants to be. A serious hindrance to why he would often go on a tirade is because we only communicated through e-mails and IMs. Yes, it was long distance, him stationed in Korea, me in Maryland. I tell you that there are not enough emoticons in the world that would convey the mood of words being typed out when you're trying to reason. There were miscommunications and plenty heaping of misunderstandings.

It wasn’t all bad. There were plenty of times when he made me feel very much needed and loved, but then there were plenty of times when I was left out for days without a word from him because of an argument (which I can tell you now was usually rooted from a misunderstanding). I cared about him so much that I couldn't just let him go, and it broke me to pieces when he shut me out. There was very little I could do, he was too far away, and perhaps he always was going to be.

I found out that he also had a bevy of admirers lined up, not just me, and even then I was stupid enough to still fight to have him for myself. Talk about pouring salt on the wound myself. I remember falling out of love when he went on another tirade and decided to freeze me out. This time however, I realized I was not only trying to build a relationship on a poor medium that doesn’t allow me to reach him, but that I was staying for the abuse as well. The bad definitely outweighed the good, so I summoned whatever self esteem I had left, and gave up.

You can’t build a relationship when one is absent part of the time. You’ll drive yourself crazy from worrying when you don’t hear from them. Your mind will play mean tricks on you and fill your head with doubt. You’ll want more than just words when you need encouragement. A text message doesn’t equate to the feeling of someone’s loving embrace.

Love will never survive this way.

Something To Remember (Luis)

Are you familiar with the story of Narcissus and Echo? Well here's the breakdown...Narcissus was an arrogant, attention whore who dies after falling in love with his own reflection. Echo is the sad sad little nymph who was so lovestruck with Narcissus that she followed him everywhere, repeating every word of affection he's lavishing on himself as if it were directed to her, until like him she wasted away doomed to repeat everything said out loud. What's the relevance of this tragic story? I was Echo. Although I didn't need my Narcissus to tell me what to say, I did it on my own accord.

I wanted this guy so badly that I became a siphon for all the little bits of false affection he'd give me. I come to realize he only did this because he thrives on the fanfare of attention I was showering him with. He wasn't in love with me, he was in love with the adoration. I was being strung along but I didn't care, if it felt that good being used by him then I was more than willing to be used up.

I came to my senses after a while (and after being slapped back to reality by my bff...several times might I add). And I finally figured that I would waste my time and other opportunities away if I don't stop campaigning for the love of a guy who was more in love with fandom than he ever would be with me.

(silver lining: Luis and I are now bffs, and I wouldn't have it any other way)

Something To Remember (Brett)

Prologue:

Fueled by a song posted on my bff’s recent blog, I was inspired to write, in chronological order, my world of dating. This will include the ex-factor, insight to the mistakes I’ve made, and confessions of the heart.

I’m hoping that through these series my small number of readers will be able to reflect on their past loves and see if they can relate to a certain degree. Or perhaps some will feel that they’re not the only one’s who have gone through the often harrowing experience of being broken hearted.

If nothing else, hopefully this will give all who reads “Something to Remember".

-B

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I was not prepared when I fell in love for the first time. Then again, nobody really is. The problem is that my inexperienced heart didn’t know how to direct my clueless mind as to what actions to take when someone has slowly lost interest in me.

At first it was hot and heavy, as most first connections go. Then like it happens sometimes one drifts away from the euphoria while the other immerses themselves deeper into it. The flags were raised, the horns were blown, the alarms went off, but rather than to face what was real in obvious light, I chose to ignore in favor of pretend. Well, not so much pretend, but more hoping in vain.

I made myself believe that I was in fact dating, when truth is it was merely a happenstance for him, and I was left to imagining. He wasn’t as in to me as he was in the beginning as I still was. He didn’t ask me to be his anybody; I made it so in my head. I figured that if I kept on with all the affection I was giving him, somehow he’ll come to and reciprocate. Figuring to salvage something from this whole experience, I went as far as to put up a front and spin the story to save face, my pride, and my poor heart.

All I did was humiliate myself in the end.

A man dedicated himself...

to a craft that was his job. He took photographs of artists, musicians, and actors for various famous publications. And his work was great, in fact, it's world famous. However, according to a certain Dylan the man's "...been fooling himself with that picture stuff. He's a sidetracked songwriter." And I couldn't agree more.

Mark Seliger is world famous for his work in photography, but with the encouragement and help of famous friends he's met along the way while working as Chief Photographer of RollingStones, he began to realize that his skill in song writing and performing has been in latent state for far too long and was needed to be shared. Yes, his heart was in music, and for him it came much later but he's done it.

The relevance of this short biopic parallels the life of a certain friend who celebrates his birthday today. A man, who like most of us, is a slave to the 9-5 of our lives. Though he is amazing in what he does at work, he only truly shines on stage. A few people close to him know of this gift...and by serendipity he was "pushed" into sharing it with a lucky audience in a contest. There under the lights and above the roar of the crowd, he gets a taste of what it would be like to be what he's dreamed of becoming his whole life. Winning was only confirmation, at least in my opinion, that he's got what it takes if only he makes time to realize his hearts true desire.

The song I am sharing was written by Mark Selinger and performed by his own band Rusty Truck. I chose this song because I know my friend can appreciate it's brand of sound, and because I can see AND hear him singing songs like this, and DAMNIT you would be f*cking fantastic!!!

So to you, Robbie, on this day of your birth, I dedicate "Cold Ground".